Teen Counseling

“Remember when we thought that changing diapers and staying up all night was the hardest it would be?” So many parents bringing their sons and daughters into counseling are overwhelmed by how difficult it is to parent a teenager. They feel disconnected, powerless, and confused by their teen’s behaviors and struggles. Here are a few challenges and guidelines to consider:

Sleep: It’s a Monday morning and as a parent, you dread dragging your child out of bed again. While it can be frustrating, it’s also developmentally normal. Teens’ circadian sleep cycles are much different than adults. During puberty, a teen may not even begin to feel sleepy until 11pm or later. On top of that, this age group requires about nine hours of sleep per night- difficult to do with extra-curriculars, homework, and early morning starts. Being patient and working with your teen to develop a healthy sleep schedule and routine will pay off.
Space: As teens struggle to prove their independence, parents must begin the difficult adjustment of giving their kids more space. Teens want to be alone, with friends, or asleep- anywhere but with the family. Recognizing that differentiation is a natural and healthy step towards adulthood can help the hurt that parents often feel.
Push/Pull: At the same time your teen is screaming at you to leave them alone, they’re also craving your attention and approval. Being a good role model, remaining open to your child’s opinions, and giving positive affirmation is important at this age. It’s also vital to find new ways to connect- explore hobbies, movies, or music that you both like.
Boundaries: The best way to experience newfound independence is while also remaining inside of safe boundaries. Teens react best when they know what is expected of them. Giving more leeway (slightly later curfew, extra time with friends) while also remaining steadfast on the larger issues (no cursing, call if you’re running late) creates a safe environment. This is also a time to set predictable consequences to breaches of boundaries.
Emotions: Puberty! It’s a time of bodily changes, hormones, and dramatic emotions. Without the acquired reasoning skills that adults have, teens experience most emotions at an increased intensity. They are also lacking the coping skills to handle them. Create a dialogue with your teens: what works for you- breathing, yoga, positive self-talk? What has worked for them? Let them know that all adults struggle with emotions, but that we can explore different ways to handle them.
Anxiety/Depressions: Unfortunately, adolescence and teen years are when anxiety and depression begin to appear. Being alert to the common symptoms of each will help parents to distinguish between appropriate reactions and when it’s time to get help.
Counseling: Teens and adolescents are often facing major stressors- socially, emotionally, and physically. However, this is also the time that they are least likely to want to talk to their parents about it. Involving a trusted adult who is specially trained to understand and help kids of this age is often a very important step. Talk to your teen about the option of counseling and allow them have input on which counselor they choose. During the initial consultation, allow your teen to join you in asking questions and discussing concerns. Counseling works best when it’s a partnership between you, your child, and the therapist.

As a parent, it often feels that your best just isn’t good enough. While taking care of your kids is an important priority, your own personal wellbeing must also be attended to. Reach out to other parents, family members, or a counselor if you are starting to feel overwhelmed. Remember that there is help, and hope, for both you and your teen.

By Melissa Michaud. Counseling Denver for a Better Life